the best update for y’all
Hellooooooooo folks who keep me on their minds and wonder how my life is goin!
I have withheld consistent blogging because this whole cancer debacle has been so up n down; one day I would write a positive blurb and the next I was suffering and no longer felt aligned with the positive blurb, then I would write a gloomy blurb, then I would feel guilty because the blurbs would weigh down people emotionally, which would then further weigh me down emotionally, etc etc etc … The biggest positive occurred in January 2026, but I further delayed this release so I could include yet another exciting announcement.
So, here is an entire rundown with negative things, neutral things, and the most positive thing I have been able to share:
Declared on November 15th 2025, I am officially allergic to temodar aka chemo pills! This means I made it through 8 rounds of chemo.
In short, this is how temodar went:
Chemo round #7 was October 13th-17th followed by the majority of my body being covered in hives Oct. 20th. After the October hives, it was decided by a handful of doctors that I most likely had some kind of viral incident that triggered my body’s hive response. Fast forward to my chemo round #8, November 10th-14th - it ended poorly. Full body hives - from the bottom of my feet, to my arm pits, to my face - itchy, swollen, lips tingle, strange noise when I breathed; lots of benadryl, zyrtek, & steroids. Since that time it started the night after/early am after my last chemo pill was popped, it was finally declared that I am allergic to Temozolomide- the most common chemo treatment used for grade 3 anaplastic astrocytomas.
Major things I experienced while on chemo:
Shingles in a horrific place on my body; if you have ever had chickenpox, this can happen to you - yes, I did JUST get the vaccine!
Mono recurrence in my system - yes, I gave someone mono because the virus unknowingly reawakened in my system.
Full body hives - miserable, scary.
Liver struggles - it is back to normal now!
Virus / cold - very scary, I am drastically terrified of getting pneumonia. People in my life have almost died from it and other people in my life have literally died from it.
These things sound kinda small now, but they felt like they lasted forever - shingles does not just disappear in a day - I still have marks on my skin from shingles; full body hives last about a week to a week and a half; meaning between chemo & hives I was miserable for 2.5 weeks straight. On the bright side, the incredible miracles I am so happy to say are that I did not vomit at any point, become skin & bones (I am quite the opposite now), & I did not lose hair while on chemo. I have taken needles, brain surgery, bumps, bruises, burns, cuts, major car accident, etc … but I fear vomiting a lot. It really freaks me out.
12/22/25, I was on the phone with my Kootnai county oncologist and he gave me four things to mull over:
No more treatment, only rely on scheduled MRIs to track if there is any further growth of the tumors, address other options when growth begins; remember, my predicted life cycle from 12/2024 was 3-5, maybe 7 years if I was lucky
PCV - Procarbazine, lomustine, & vincristine - Not very fun
Carmustine - Brutal
Clinical trials - Might be greatly beneficial, might be drastically detrimental
My Idaho oncologist has been wonderful, but he did not have a confident stance on these four options, which brought the thought of gambling my life into my head. Each of these four paths have the potential of drastic negative health impacts; as most people know, people with cancer often die not directly from cancer, but from another health issue they had an increased likelihood of encountering as a result of undergoing treatments.
Treatments are a double edged sword.
Never have I ever been into the thought of gambling. Sure, I have loved taking chances such as moving to Chicago with everything I owned in my car & no apartment aligned, pursuing a successful career based on sugar … but I have never truly gambled. Placing all of my money into a bet, the chance of a major loss being sky high with the chance of outerworldly success being microscopic; I have never desired to gamble, it has too much risk factor. I see gambling addictions, too much loss from gambling, too much obsession; I see too many negative results from gambling. Being told that I have to take a gamble on my life. A gamble. Major loss chances are sky high. I could die quickly from something that was a gamble intended to help extend my happy healthy life.
Everyone always responds to me when I express how harsh it is to have the gamble of life so prominent in my scenario saying that “we do literally take a gamble with our lives every single second; getting into a vehicle, eating literally any kind of food that could have cross contamination, consuming alcohol, making a statement of our opinions to others who may not agree, being religious, not being religious …” I know, I know, I know. My life gamble feels a little tougher than it used to be. I really do not enjoy gambling. I wish for the comfort of stability knowing that my life is going to be okay, but that’s just not something that anyone gets.
Not only is treatment selection a gamble on my life, but it is a gamble on the mental health of those that are incredibly close to me. Of course, everyone, including my worst enemies, wants the best for me in this cancer scenario, but everyone has a different stance and opinion regarding which path will give me the greatest result health, lifespan, & happiness wise.
Fast forward to January 15th at 6am
My mother and I hopped onto a quick little flight from Pullman to Seattle. During our day in Seattle, we walked all over & ate lots of wonderful food of course! This trip really made me miss Chicago - food, lots of walking, & public transportation. Back in our handful of calamity months together in Chicago, my mother and I fell head over heels for Ethiopian food. I have been craving Ethiopian food and food from Hoja Santa; but here in the Latah area, we do not have the luxury of a broad, prominent food scene like the giant cities do.
Out of all the places we ate in Seattle, the best place was “Delish Ethiopian” - I highly recommend eating there. It is such a teeny tiny restaurant, so I urge people to make a reservation. Finding this place was drastically enlightening; a wondrous place to find with my mother. Eating there after getting the best news I have ever gotten since 11/2024 probably elevated the joy we experienced at that restaurant…
Yes, I want to travel solely for the purpose of exploring food,
but the true reason for us taking a day trip to Seattle was to get a second opinion on this whole cancer debacle & build a new connection to a doctor that specializes in brain cancer. My new neuro oncologist through UW is excellent; I am so happy to have someone who gives deep explanations of my MRI scans, someone who can identify something quicker than others. To sum up the best news I have had in the past year and a half, it has been declared that I have a predicted ten years, give or take, from Jan 2026 before I will reach a point of needing to undergo more treatment. This is a major upgrade from my predicted remaining lifespan being 3-5, maybe 7 years from Dec 2024.
This neuro oncologist has confidently stated that it is safe to push treatments to the side and only dive into that area if/when the tumors come out of their hibernation and begin to grow again or if a new spot of growth pops up. She also gave me the comfort of the possibility of my small tumor being a grade 2 tumor rather than the large grade 3 tumor that was mostly removed and tested. The entire time I have been in this cancer debacle, I have been scared of germs, masked up vast majority of the time in public, but I no longer have to be so cautious because my immune system is finally back to normal. I can eat raw oysters again! I know that there are folks out there that have a lifetime or a handful of years of a poor immune system and I have so much sympathy for these people.
Here’s a little rant:
I will always be a firm believer that if one is sick, one should wear a mask and be sanitary in public; because there are people fighting for their lives or a person is caring for an individual fighting for their life that might buy a bag of chips that you touched after wiping your nose or coughing into your hand; our immune systems keep us alive - when someone's immune system is dead, anything could kill them. The small things, like a cold, can turn fatal. Masks do not kill, they give sympathy to those fighting for their life. Oh, and my oxygen intake tests at every single doctor appointment I have shown up to in a mask for the past year, have shown that my oxygen is fantastic. If someone does not want to wear a mask in public when sick, they should have someone else run their errands. Masks have always been used by doctors, firefighters, woodworkers, etc … Anti mask folks sometimes argue that dying from exposure is a good natural thing for our species. A. Our species has the luxury of the ability to protect others from sickness and B. You just will not understand it until you watch someone you love suffer and/or die from something as small as a cold. It is not rocket science - wear a mask. Besides, it’s better for you than smoking cigarettes & vaping. Grow a pair, wear a mask, be respectful.
And no, I do not want to hear your opinion on masks along the lines of “Hey Alexa, though I do not agree with your stance regarding masks, I am soooooo happy to hear your good news!”
Anyways, diving back into business …
As everyone wishes, I hope science will go farther with surgery and treatments for brain cancers to a point where people in my situation can have their tumors fully removed, prevent new growth, & give more guarantee for a normal, happy, healthy life.
My life is now going to be me living MRI scan to MRI scan & watching out for a recurrence of symptoms*.
With this expansion of my predicted remaining life, people close to me have asked if I am going to move back to Chicago, move somewhere more full of fun stuff, explore …
The answer is no; for now I plan to remain in this region and build my business. Yes, I grew up here. Yes, I have already done a million things here. Yes, it is a little boring here. Yes, I want to live somewhere with a wide variety of food. But remember, I am a workaholic, and I am working on a tiny little business; which is extra challenging because I do not have the business knowledge I wanted to gain prior to starting a business. I love challenges that bring more stability and consistency once the challenge is “complete”. Of course, I hope/intend to travel to places with food that I love, but for years it has been on my mind to build a business here in Idaho as I get closer to my 30s; and now that I have a predicted lifespan, I must complete my intentions quicker.
Stability in life is subject to change.
Our stability can always be victimized with financial, emotional, criminal, wrongful, tragic, sudden things. I had just started to feel stable in Chicago right when the cancer debacle began; it took a lot to emotionally, physically, and financially prepare for the move to Chicago to begin with. The biggest drive behind moving to Chicago was purely career based - I just needed to develop deeper knowledge of the pastry world, restaurants, business in general … I only worked in one place in Chicago, the circus, and I learned a lot; I learned enough to start a tiny business from the bottom. Of course, I wanted to learn far more in the city, but I do not need to.
I miss all kinds of things in Chicago; variety of restaurants, bars, hustle bustle, public transportation, mind your own business mindset, money income, potential awards of recognition in the food world, no recognition in the streets while walking, success in arts, true independence being alone, … but I just cannot hit the restart button again. I have no intention of moving anywhere unless it is to finally settle in a space that I own. There’s Seattle which is a wonderful place, much closer to family than Chicago, but I hate muggy skies and rain. That place overall just ain’t the spot por moi. If I magically became a bajillionaire, I would totally have some places in some big city locations & some property out in the boonies OR I would move me, my family, my close friends and their families to a totally different country - but I think I would have to have a genie in a lamp for any of those things to happen!
Having an LLC for my passion is a blessing, but it was so sudden. I did not intend to begin a business until I had a bit more of a plan & solid knowledge regarding small businesses. The LLC started out of the blue in June 2025 so that I can pay myself x amount of money per month to remain on Idaho Medicaid because my federal disability benefit exceeds the Idaho Medicaid income limit. So, I must make x amount of dollars and pay my taxes. On one hand, I thought it was unlikely that I would be able to start a business like I have always wanted to because of terminal cancer, so this is really good for me. On the other hand, this is really unfair to others who are in my situation and have no desire to begin a business or maybe have a worse medical situation that makes them unable to work a small job or perhaps other individuals would like to be giving all of their remaining decently stable time left in their lives to their loved ones - not to a silly little job. Though, I am fairly certain that doctors can give some kind of “this person is physically unable to work” to the state to allow people to give their remaining time to their loved ones while still remaining on medicaid & receiving disability benefits.
Now, I have new paths that I would like to take my business down
One of the paths is to join the Moscow Farmer’s Market (MFM) 2026! I have passed the jury & there are just a couple more big ol’ steps I must take with my business to guarantee that y’all can find my sweet goodies at roughly every other MFM this year!
I am so eager to share sweet goodies with the community, build a customer base this year, re enter the thrilling balance of high quality x high quantity with the twist of transporting delicate desserts sensitive to heat, humidity, etc … my new challenges.
And I know what crosses people’s minds - “Alexa, if you want a happy healthy stable life, why on earth are you not going to the gym and why on earth are you a pastry chef?”
The answer is I do not seek the pinnacle of health, I just want reasonable health that allows me to be happy. I remember after the official diagnosis, Travis, my mother, & I went out to get some comfort food at Hoja Santa, and I just could not keep it together - I shed the greatest amount of tears in my life over the course of the few months post diagnosis. The restaurant was busy that day, I was really trying to keep my tears under control until we got back home, but oh man it took forever for them to take my card n let us out - so of course I was bawling my eyes out at the restaurant and in the uber. My memory is not fantastic, but I am pretty sure that same day Travis told me that it is important to focus on what makes me happy, because regardless of if I cut sugar and my career from my life to try to extend my life, it both does not guarantee my life will be longer and it does not mean that I will be happy in the remainder of my life; whether it is brutally short or magically longer. I love my career, I love food crafted for flavour & appearance.
I have no idea what I would be doing or how I would be doing right now if I took the path of pure health; but I assume I would not be happy. I would not have a tiny business. I would not be doing what I love - I likely would be beating myself down. I would be doing nothing. My passion is just the world of food; and I do not mean that in a gluttonous way.
Every year, I look back on myself and say “Wow, I used to be such a fool. Thank goodness for brain development and maturity growth”
I think this past year - ish has been a major maturity growth. Combo my year of no critical dilemmas in Chicago with the year of this cancer debacle and wow. 2.5 ish years of maturity growth. There’s a lot more growth to come ((better not be tumor growth!)); but the growth one feels when doing everything you can to fend off your own death is somethin’ else. I think I have been undergoing a midlife crisis, but fingers crossed it was actually a quarter life crisis.
I would like to send out a lotta love to all of those who have over the past year offered me kind messages of support, guidance, contributed to the GoFundMe that allowed so much financial & medical ease, kept me in their thoughts & prayers, … It has been really difficult to type a response to everyone, but know that I probably shed some tears while reading every encouraging & sympathetic message.
I still remain baffled that I have cancer cells hibernating in my brain. I am baffled by the joy I felt obtaining a wood treasure chest jewelry box from some rando’ spot in the boonies past Lewiston. I am baffled at how little I once valued life. I am baffled by the cruelty in our world. I am baffled by my workaholism. I am baffled that my cat, Storm - who turns 18 this year, is on my lap while I am typing this “final” blog.
Human life is just such a baffling experience that I cannot comprehend the roots of.
*PRE SYMPTOMS
Nausea w dry heaving, never actually puking. Was mostly when sleeping/in the morning; there were a couple times when it happened at work
Rando slurred speech ((when entirely sober))
Short term memory loss / major forgetfulness
Vision issues; straight lines in left peripheral were squiggly
Occasional difficulty walking straight ((when entirely sober))
Confusion randomly
Finger tremors
Consistent headaches for the first time in my life
Tiredness increase; I became so fragile that my life was just working & sleeping
Inability to complete tasks as efficiently
Intense migraines for the first time since I struggled w migraines induced from malnutrition in middle-school; part 1: began visually, part 2: half my body going numb, part 3: horrific headache & no tolerance for light @ all, part 4: unbelievably tired
Intense, funky, & exhausting dreams
Consistent dejavu - I know this one sounds weird
