the best update for y’all
Hellooooooooo folks who keep me on their minds and wonder how my life is goin!
I have withheld consistent blogging because this whole cancer debacle has been so up n down; one day I would write a positive blurb and the next I was suffering and no longer felt aligned with the positive blurb, then I would write a gloomy blurb, then I would feel guilty because the blurbs would weigh down people emotionally, which would then further weigh me down emotionally, etc etc etc … The biggest positive occurred in January 2026, but I further delayed this release so I could include yet another exciting announcement.
So, here is an entire rundown with negative things, neutral things, and the most positive thing I have been able to share:
Declared on November 15th 2025, I am officially allergic to temodar aka chemo pills! This means I made it through 8 rounds of chemo.
In short, this is how temodar went:
Chemo round #7 was October 13th-17th followed by the majority of my body being covered in hives Oct. 20th. After the October hives, it was decided by a handful of doctors that I most likely had some kind of viral incident that triggered my body’s hive response. Fast forward to my chemo round #8, November 10th-14th - it ended poorly. Full body hives - from the bottom of my feet, to my arm pits, to my face - itchy, swollen, lips tingle, strange noise when I breathed; lots of benadryl, zyrtek, & steroids. Since that time it started the night after/early am after my last chemo pill was popped, it was finally declared that I am allergic to Temozolomide- the most common chemo treatment used for grade 3 anaplastic astrocytomas.
Major things I experienced while on chemo:
Shingles in a horrific place on my body; if you have ever had chickenpox, this can happen to you - yes, I did JUST get the vaccine!
Mono recurrence in my system - yes, I gave someone mono because the virus unknowingly reawakened in my system.
Full body hives - miserable, scary.
Liver struggles - it is back to normal now!
Virus / cold - very scary, I am drastically terrified of getting pneumonia. People in my life have almost died from it and other people in my life have literally died from it.
These things sound kinda small now, but they felt like they lasted forever - shingles does not just disappear in a day - I still have marks on my skin from shingles; full body hives last about a week to a week and a half; meaning between chemo & hives I was miserable for 2.5 weeks straight. On the bright side, the incredible miracles I am so happy to say are that I did not vomit at any point, become skin & bones (I am quite the opposite now), & I did not lose hair while on chemo. I have taken needles, brain surgery, bumps, bruises, burns, cuts, major car accident, etc … but I fear vomiting a lot. It really freaks me out.
12/22/25, I was on the phone with my Kootnai county oncologist and he gave me four things to mull over:
No more treatment, only rely on scheduled MRIs to track if there is any further growth of the tumors, address other options when growth begins; remember, my predicted life cycle from 12/2024 was 3-5, maybe 7 years if I was lucky
PCV - Procarbazine, lomustine, & vincristine - Not very fun
Carmustine - Brutal
Clinical trials - Might be greatly beneficial, might be drastically detrimental
My Idaho oncologist has been wonderful, but he did not have a confident stance on these four options, which brought the thought of gambling my life into my head. Each of these four paths have the potential of drastic negative health impacts; as most people know, people with cancer often die not directly from cancer, but from another health issue they had an increased likelihood of encountering as a result of undergoing treatments.
Treatments are a double edged sword.
Never have I ever been into the thought of gambling. Sure, I have loved taking chances such as moving to Chicago with everything I owned in my car & no apartment aligned, pursuing a successful career based on sugar … but I have never truly gambled. Placing all of my money into a bet, the chance of a major loss being sky high with the chance of outerworldly success being microscopic; I have never desired to gamble, it has too much risk factor. I see gambling addictions, too much loss from gambling, too much obsession; I see too many negative results from gambling. Being told that I have to take a gamble on my life. A gamble. Major loss chances are sky high. I could die quickly from something that was a gamble intended to help extend my happy healthy life.
Everyone always responds to me when I express how harsh it is to have the gamble of life so prominent in my scenario saying that “we do literally take a gamble with our lives every single second; getting into a vehicle, eating literally any kind of food that could have cross contamination, consuming alcohol, making a statement of our opinions to others who may not agree, being religious, not being religious …” I know, I know, I know. My life gamble feels a little tougher than it used to be. I really do not enjoy gambling. I wish for the comfort of stability knowing that my life is going to be okay, but that’s just not something that anyone gets.
Not only is treatment selection a gamble on my life, but it is a gamble on the mental health of those that are incredibly close to me. Of course, everyone, including my worst enemies, wants the best for me in this cancer scenario, but everyone has a different stance and opinion regarding which path will give me the greatest result health, lifespan, & happiness wise.
Fast forward to January 15th at 6am
My mother and I hopped onto a quick little flight from Pullman to Seattle. During our day in Seattle, we walked all over & ate lots of wonderful food of course! This trip really made me miss Chicago - food, lots of walking, & public transportation. Back in our handful of calamity months together in Chicago, my mother and I fell head over heels for Ethiopian food. I have been craving Ethiopian food and food from Hoja Santa; but here in the Latah area, we do not have the luxury of a broad, prominent food scene like the giant cities do.
Out of all the places we ate in Seattle, the best place was “Delish Ethiopian” - I highly recommend eating there. It is such a teeny tiny restaurant, so I urge people to make a reservation. Finding this place was drastically enlightening; a wondrous place to find with my mother. Eating there after getting the best news I have ever gotten since 11/2024 probably elevated the joy we experienced at that restaurant…
Yes, I want to travel solely for the purpose of exploring food,
but the true reason for us taking a day trip to Seattle was to get a second opinion on this whole cancer debacle & build a new connection to a doctor that specializes in brain cancer. My new neuro oncologist through UW is excellent; I am so happy to have someone who gives deep explanations of my MRI scans, someone who can identify something quicker than others. To sum up the best news I have had in the past year and a half, it has been declared that I have a predicted ten years, give or take, from Jan 2026 before I will reach a point of needing to undergo more treatment. This is a major upgrade from my predicted remaining lifespan being 3-5, maybe 7 years from Dec 2024.
This neuro oncologist has confidently stated that it is safe to push treatments to the side and only dive into that area if/when the tumors come out of their hibernation and begin to grow again or if a new spot of growth pops up. She also gave me the comfort of the possibility of my small tumor being a grade 2 tumor rather than the large grade 3 tumor that was mostly removed and tested. The entire time I have been in this cancer debacle, I have been scared of germs, masked up vast majority of the time in public, but I no longer have to be so cautious because my immune system is finally back to normal. I can eat raw oysters again! I know that there are folks out there that have a lifetime or a handful of years of a poor immune system and I have so much sympathy for these people.
Here’s a little rant:
I will always be a firm believer that if one is sick, one should wear a mask and be sanitary in public; because there are people fighting for their lives or a person is caring for an individual fighting for their life that might buy a bag of chips that you touched after wiping your nose or coughing into your hand; our immune systems keep us alive - when someone's immune system is dead, anything could kill them. The small things, like a cold, can turn fatal. Masks do not kill, they give sympathy to those fighting for their life. Oh, and my oxygen intake tests at every single doctor appointment I have shown up to in a mask for the past year, have shown that my oxygen is fantastic. If someone does not want to wear a mask in public when sick, they should have someone else run their errands. Masks have always been used by doctors, firefighters, woodworkers, etc … Anti mask folks sometimes argue that dying from exposure is a good natural thing for our species. A. Our species has the luxury of the ability to protect others from sickness and B. You just will not understand it until you watch someone you love suffer and/or die from something as small as a cold. It is not rocket science - wear a mask. Besides, it’s better for you than smoking cigarettes & vaping. Grow a pair, wear a mask, be respectful.
And no, I do not want to hear your opinion on masks along the lines of “Hey Alexa, though I do not agree with your stance regarding masks, I am soooooo happy to hear your good news!”
Anyways, diving back into business …
As everyone wishes, I hope science will go farther with surgery and treatments for brain cancers to a point where people in my situation can have their tumors fully removed, prevent new growth, & give more guarantee for a normal, happy, healthy life.
My life is now going to be me living MRI scan to MRI scan & watching out for a recurrence of symptoms*.
With this expansion of my predicted remaining life, people close to me have asked if I am going to move back to Chicago, move somewhere more full of fun stuff, explore …
The answer is no; for now I plan to remain in this region and build my business. Yes, I grew up here. Yes, I have already done a million things here. Yes, it is a little boring here. Yes, I want to live somewhere with a wide variety of food. But remember, I am a workaholic, and I am working on a tiny little business; which is extra challenging because I do not have the business knowledge I wanted to gain prior to starting a business. I love challenges that bring more stability and consistency once the challenge is “complete”. Of course, I hope/intend to travel to places with food that I love, but for years it has been on my mind to build a business here in Idaho as I get closer to my 30s; and now that I have a predicted lifespan, I must complete my intentions quicker.
Stability in life is subject to change.
Our stability can always be victimized with financial, emotional, criminal, wrongful, tragic, sudden things. I had just started to feel stable in Chicago right when the cancer debacle began; it took a lot to emotionally, physically, and financially prepare for the move to Chicago to begin with. The biggest drive behind moving to Chicago was purely career based - I just needed to develop deeper knowledge of the pastry world, restaurants, business in general … I only worked in one place in Chicago, the circus, and I learned a lot; I learned enough to start a tiny business from the bottom. Of course, I wanted to learn far more in the city, but I do not need to.
I miss all kinds of things in Chicago; variety of restaurants, bars, hustle bustle, public transportation, mind your own business mindset, money income, potential awards of recognition in the food world, no recognition in the streets while walking, success in arts, true independence being alone, … but I just cannot hit the restart button again. I have no intention of moving anywhere unless it is to finally settle in a space that I own. There’s Seattle which is a wonderful place, much closer to family than Chicago, but I hate muggy skies and rain. That place overall just ain’t the spot por moi. If I magically became a bajillionaire, I would totally have some places in some big city locations & some property out in the boonies OR I would move me, my family, my close friends and their families to a totally different country - but I think I would have to have a genie in a lamp for any of those things to happen!
Having an LLC for my passion is a blessing, but it was so sudden. I did not intend to begin a business until I had a bit more of a plan & solid knowledge regarding small businesses. The LLC started out of the blue in June 2025 so that I can pay myself x amount of money per month to remain on Idaho Medicaid because my federal disability benefit exceeds the Idaho Medicaid income limit. So, I must make x amount of dollars and pay my taxes. On one hand, I thought it was unlikely that I would be able to start a business like I have always wanted to because of terminal cancer, so this is really good for me. On the other hand, this is really unfair to others who are in my situation and have no desire to begin a business or maybe have a worse medical situation that makes them unable to work a small job or perhaps other individuals would like to be giving all of their remaining decently stable time left in their lives to their loved ones - not to a silly little job. Though, I am fairly certain that doctors can give some kind of “this person is physically unable to work” to the state to allow people to give their remaining time to their loved ones while still remaining on medicaid & receiving disability benefits.
Now, I have new paths that I would like to take my business down
One of the paths is to join the Moscow Farmer’s Market (MFM) 2026! I have passed the jury & there are just a couple more big ol’ steps I must take with my business to guarantee that y’all can find my sweet goodies at roughly every other MFM this year!
I am so eager to share sweet goodies with the community, build a customer base this year, re enter the thrilling balance of high quality x high quantity with the twist of transporting delicate desserts sensitive to heat, humidity, etc … my new challenges.
And I know what crosses people’s minds - “Alexa, if you want a happy healthy stable life, why on earth are you not going to the gym and why on earth are you a pastry chef?”
The answer is I do not seek the pinnacle of health, I just want reasonable health that allows me to be happy. I remember after the official diagnosis, Travis, my mother, & I went out to get some comfort food at Hoja Santa, and I just could not keep it together - I shed the greatest amount of tears in my life over the course of the few months post diagnosis. The restaurant was busy that day, I was really trying to keep my tears under control until we got back home, but oh man it took forever for them to take my card n let us out - so of course I was bawling my eyes out at the restaurant and in the uber. My memory is not fantastic, but I am pretty sure that same day Travis told me that it is important to focus on what makes me happy, because regardless of if I cut sugar and my career from my life to try to extend my life, it both does not guarantee my life will be longer and it does not mean that I will be happy in the remainder of my life; whether it is brutally short or magically longer. I love my career, I love food crafted for flavour & appearance.
I have no idea what I would be doing or how I would be doing right now if I took the path of pure health; but I assume I would not be happy. I would not have a tiny business. I would not be doing what I love - I likely would be beating myself down. I would be doing nothing. My passion is just the world of food; and I do not mean that in a gluttonous way.
Every year, I look back on myself and say “Wow, I used to be such a fool. Thank goodness for brain development and maturity growth”
I think this past year - ish has been a major maturity growth. Combo my year of no critical dilemmas in Chicago with the year of this cancer debacle and wow. 2.5 ish years of maturity growth. There’s a lot more growth to come ((better not be tumor growth!)); but the growth one feels when doing everything you can to fend off your own death is somethin’ else. I think I have been undergoing a midlife crisis, but fingers crossed it was actually a quarter life crisis.
I would like to send out a lotta love to all of those who have over the past year offered me kind messages of support, guidance, contributed to the GoFundMe that allowed so much financial & medical ease, kept me in their thoughts & prayers, … It has been really difficult to type a response to everyone, but know that I probably shed some tears while reading every encouraging & sympathetic message.
I still remain baffled that I have cancer cells hibernating in my brain. I am baffled by the joy I felt obtaining a wood treasure chest jewelry box from some rando’ spot in the boonies past Lewiston. I am baffled at how little I once valued life. I am baffled by the cruelty in our world. I am baffled by my workaholism. I am baffled that my cat, Storm - who turns 18 this year, is on my lap while I am typing this “final” blog.
Human life is just such a baffling experience that I cannot comprehend the roots of.
*PRE SYMPTOMS
Nausea w dry heaving, never actually puking. Was mostly when sleeping/in the morning; there were a couple times when it happened at work
Rando slurred speech ((when entirely sober))
Short term memory loss / major forgetfulness
Vision issues; straight lines in left peripheral were squiggly
Occasional difficulty walking straight ((when entirely sober))
Confusion randomly
Finger tremors
Consistent headaches for the first time in my life
Tiredness increase; I became so fragile that my life was just working & sleeping
Inability to complete tasks as efficiently
Intense migraines for the first time since I struggled w migraines induced from malnutrition in middle-school; part 1: began visually, part 2: half my body going numb, part 3: horrific headache & no tolerance for light @ all, part 4: unbelievably tired
Intense, funky, & exhausting dreams
Consistent dejavu - I know this one sounds weird
a wee bit serious, a wee bit silly
Chemo round #3 has begun! Here are my known medical updates:
Unfortunately, I am borderline anemic; meaning my red blood cell counts are incredibly low. Of course, I have just introduced iron supplements into my pill poppin’ daily run through to help my blood be a smidge better. This is a typical response to chemotherapy treatments, though I was not anticipating it beginning so early in my chemo trek. Since my blood is so thin, I am getting random bruises and; not to TMI ((but it’s MY blog)), my already heavy menstrual cycles have far worsened to a point of worry. On top of that, of course since my blood is in poor state & I am an individual partaking in chemotherapy, my immune system is extra extra extra vulnerable. When my bloodwork reaches a point of too much fragility or if I end up sick, it will delay my chemo treatment schedule.
Speaking of chemo schedule, I would like to make the heartbreaking announcement that if all is going well, I will be on chemo for Halloween, Thanksgiving, & Christmas this year. It’s a mega bummer, but I do not want to experience a health issue that delays my chemo.
My only other medical update is I had a handful of days last week that I experienced more swelling on my head/face, sharp pains in the areas of my left frontal lobe, left side of the occipital lobe, & the area of my right side brain tumor, & major sinus irritation. All of that could be caused by literally anything- spinal fluid gettin’ out of control, maybe I have developed allergies, perhaps it’s because my cat & snuggle buddy, Storm, has been a dirt roller that loves to lay on my pillow, could be cancer growth, maybe it's just a post radiation symptom… This week I have not re-experienced those symptoms so far, so I am not too on edge about the cause of the issues.
Let's move on to the non-medical side of what’s new n what’s on my mind!
This past week has been a little bit of a cake week! Got to make my first large vanilla/strawberry sheet cake for someone’s birthday, a round of cupcakes to give away, & a small but tall cute vanilla/raspberry/lemon cake for Debbie Gray’s birthday! I am beyond grateful to be able to bake my heart out in a proper industrial kitchen that is quiet. In the future, for certain I will take a deep blog post dive into my background in this particular kitchen space.
Food wise, something I have always loved is grilled & smoked food. May 31st, 2025 I received something I have wanted for most of my life- a Traeger pellet smoker/grill. I shed tears when my mom gifted me this item that is far more valuable to me than gold n baroque pearl jewelry. Along with that, my aunt covered all the upgrades n trinkets. Wow. Tragically, my first Traeger from 5/31/25 broke down during mid- ribeye steak execution. It was a fault that was not caused by me luckily & it was replaced with another new Traeger a few days later thank goodness! Today, 6/10/25 at 6:05pm, my herby T-Bone steaks hit the Traeger. By 6:20pm we; my mom, aunt, & I, were devouring the most delicious melt-in-your-mouth perfectly seasoned soft medium rare T-Bone steaks. My mouth is watering right now at 8:06pm as I write this. I also totally had two Traeger hotdogs for breakfast today. I’m no savoury food expert, but I am on a mission to master this Traeger. Watch out- I am grillin’ hardcore in my cheetah print kaftan.
Other than food, I looooove music. Everyone has their own taste, gets their own take aways from music. On Monday, the Eminem song “Lose Yourself” randomly popped up on the radio during our drive back to Genesee from my chemo appointment and it took me far back in time. It took me back to when my favourite artists were Eminem, Ice Cube, & Nicki Minaj around 5th/6th grade. I remember having a tablet with some music downloaded to it and some big white cushy headphones. Eminem said while I was on the school bus, during class time, & during my drive back from my most recent chemo appointment:
You better lose yourself in the music, the moment
You own it, you better never let it go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime
You can do anything you set your mind to, man
I no longer jam out to Eminem, I am not a fan like I was as a middleschooler; but those words along with the beat were a huge push towards accomplishing my goals at a really young age. As silly as it sounds, it genuinely helped me grow into the individual I am today. There’s a lot of other songs by a bazillion other artists that have pushed me in different directions, inspired me, helped me process emotional things, given me a poetic coverage of a bazillion different lifestyles, helped me relax, made my body want to move n groove ((I am not a good dancer though.)) …
When I hit 7th grade, I started going by Alex instead of Alexa & I hit my emo phase hardcore; cut & dyed my hair fun colours, loved spending my deniros at Hot Topic, & I would jam out to music that was dudes screaming about crummy things in life. All that time, I had a heavy dislike for country music, even though I was a farm animal 4-H kiddo. Whenever my aunt would drive me somewhere, we would listen to country and the one song I loved, despite my country hatred, was Pontoon by Little Big Town. Huge thank you to country swing dancing for giving me the love of country music a couple years ago.
I’m not headed into something deep with this music information spill. Everyone who knows me pretty well knows that I love Smino, Nickleback, Charlie Sutton & Charlie Crockett along with a bazillion other artists as well. I can go trashy, classy, … anything in between.
Thanks for tuning in for my not so deep silly blog post with some serious medical updates, my food knowledge progress, & a tiny tip of a gigantor music related iceberg. I am still the same ol me n happy as can be!
P.S. if you’re in need of a cake or a plated dessert, reach out to me via the email that’s at the bottom of this website!
the tough stuff
Chemo round 2 began on the 12th! At this very moment, I'm normal me! Physically, mentally, spiritually, ... same ol me!
My first round of chemo the month of April was ok for the most part. During my chemo week, I just got more fatigued. The worst time of my previous chemo experience was the following week post chemo- I had a little bit of a stroke scare. In general, symptoms of my kind of cancer align with stroke symptoms & my odds of encountering a stroke increased with radiation. Technically, chemo thins out the blood in my body though, so my likelihood of having a stroke decreases. I'm not a scientist, so never ever quote me on that info though! But I did have a scare, I did panic, I do get freaked out by scary symptoms to this day.
I haven't opened up publically about all the nasty foreseeable consequences of my medical dilemma, but I feel comfortable doing so now that I have had time to process and reflect on it.
Being so physically weak makes me feel humiliated; despite the fact that I know I will encounter far more humiliating occurrences farther down this cancer path ... despite the fact that I am well aware of others being in much worse conditions, I still feel humiliated when weak to any degree. I will feel far deeper humiliation the day when I encounter a loss of speech and/or paralysis; whether it's the right half of my body or my entire body. As far as I am aware, when I encounter loss of speech &/or paralysis from where my cancer grows in my brain, it will be how my life ends over the course of one week or potentially an entire year. There are more nitty gritty details to how my life will end with the kind of cancer I have & I do not wish to add to my blog at this time. There are also more horrific things that I have not yet opened a book to read about that will occur as my life deteriorates. My soul is not quite ready to absorb some of that information yet.
Obviously, I hope to experience something miraculous that removes cancer from my body and allows me to live a happy little life as a lady who makes sweets in a log cabin deep in the Idaho woods with a lawn of moss; but I do accept that it is far more likely unfortunate health deterioration will occur. But I still make my 11:11 wishes!
I know me putting this information onto my blog makes readers feel that I am in a place where I need support mentally- but I swear I am a-okay mentally & spirituality at this time. As emphasized on my previous blog post, I had a time a handful of months prior to this cancer dilemma, where I realized how unexplainably happy I was ((and still am)) with life- regardless of how long or short it is- and how my heart, mind, & soul will continue to grow over the course of my life.
Something I did not consider in the past, was the possibility of my life ending while I am at my lowest and darkest point mentally. Back when I concluded I was super duper happy, I intended to pass away happy; regardless of the passing situation. I am struggling to sort out remaining happy at the end. I am trying to solve this puzzle in my brain of how to pass away happy while experiencing such a crummy expected early death. I suppose I have the “privilege” of knowing exactly how I will likely pass away and when I will likely pass away, which makes it easier for me to not waste my time of living; but how do I remain happy at the end of my time?
How do I remain happy speechless in pain unable to move? Will my vivid mortifying dreams I had during my previous span of time undergoing emotional struggles return? Will I be able to think properly as the cancer reaches its biggest size in my brain where the ability to think comes from? Will I be able to read? I won't be able to eat and taste since I'll be attached to a feeding tube, but can I at least listen to music? How do I communicate what genre of music I would like to listen to? How do I communicate if I would like to have time with those close to me or if being seen by those I love in such a humiliating state of existence was not something I could tolerate? That’s the puzzle I am trying to solve. I hold no beliefs in how dying works. I am not anti religious beliefs in any way shape or form, I simply just don’t align with anything in particular. I accept that anything is possible, anything could be true.
I have reached a point while processing my life expectancy & expected way of my life ending where I can comfortably share this information with the general public/ individuals that care about me or just have a general interest in my life. There was a website attached to my GoFundMe long ago that had my predicted remaining life span from time of diagnosis; to be clear for anyone who did not read that information, my kind of cancer is known to last for 3-5 years. That being said, my brain-cancer specialist doctor in Chicago had an average lifespan of 7 years among the patients with the same kind of cancer she handled.
For the third time, I am mentally stable and very happy now as I continue to do what I love with people that I love in a community that I love.
Brains are weird. Life is weird. Tastebuds are weird. People are weird. Death is weird. Weirdly, I'm a happy person.
whats happening pre-chemo
It all begins with an idea.
Let the blogging begin! Here's a rundown of technical updates n then I'll jump into what's on my mind emotionally lately:
My most important update is that transferring my Illinois Medicaid to Idaho Medicaid officially happened successfully during this past week! Fingers crossed nothing impacts my insurance in the future.
Finally, my radiation symptoms have begun retreating & I can be wide awake n back to a normal sleep schedule. I did lose most of my left eyebrow & a lotta hair from my head, but hair loss is far better than other things.
My upcoming chemo cycle will be 28 days for the next year-ish. The doctor I had in Chicago said we would try to reach a year of chemo treatment whereas my Idaho doctor says we will go beyond a year; so who knows how long this will go for. Regardless, it'll be 5 days in a row I do my chemo, 23 days I don't do chemo & at some point in those days I do blood work & brain scan, n then BAM! Do the chemo again! My first 5 day round of chemo, 4/14-4/18, will be a lighter dosage compared to the rest of the chemo I receive during my remaining cycles.
Pre-cancer diagnosis; which gave me some cancer knowledge I never thought I'd have, I thought all chemo was was sitting connected to a machine and losing all your hair & a lil weight. Turns out, chemo has different form variations; but overall, chemo kills both the good cells & the bad cells throughout the body. It specifically goes to prevent cells from reproducing. Just the same as my radiation treatment had a list of "may happen/may not happen as a result of treatment", my kind of chemo's got a handful of “maybe/maybe-nots”. But for certain my immune system will drop drastically & things will take longer to heal & my cancer cells will fail to divide and grow until they develop a resistance to chemo.
Here's a link to a good general rundown on chemo treatments if you would like more info because I am not giving out a chemo research essay: https://www.cancerresearchuk.org/about-cancer/treatment/chemotherapy/how-chemotherapy-works
Honestly, my biggest chemo concern is just puking & feeling icky inside.
Before I spill my guts a lil for y'all over time here in the Blog Territory, I just want to state that I have so many amazing things & people to be grateful for. I'm lucky to have family to take care of me, a roof over my head, clean water, fresh eggs n milk, space to grow produce, a caring community, n a bazillion other things. Sure, it's really sad to be in a situation such as mine where you're given out of the blue a predicted lifespan & informed of the heart wrenching experience you will have at the end of your life; but I'm happy. There are individuals with far worse medical conditions, far less physical, mental, & financial support, tragic backgrounds, suffering as they face literal war directly outside their door ...etc. I experience a lot of negative emotional thoughts these days because that is normal for everyone; but I'm genuinely overall happy & grateful & will always bounce back from my low downs.
Now that the easy-breezy technical updates have been relayed to y'all, let's move on to my mental/emotional update. I'm having a difficult time adjusting to both the social & driving habits/norms switch between Chicago & Idaho. When I first moved to Chi, in general public I was too nice, too chatty, too smiley; to the point where a lotta folks were weirded out by my existence. Eventually I adjusted to the comfort of blending in, not chitchattin, keepin a straight face, n avoiding eye contact while still being aware who's around me. I liked being a gal that never saw the same folks in the general public ever. Never at the gas station, never at the same times on the train, never everrrrrrrr!
The 'scow's very different of course! Here, people in public do eye contact n smiles, chitchat with strangers, wave at strangers, recognize a lotta people, etc. Over my last year n a half, I just have become less chatty unless it's in private one on one chit chattin. But even then, I don't have a lot to talk about because all I've been up to is puzzles & sodoku n keeping my eyes peeled for ticks. I'm not upset about a lil bit of social change- both Idaho & Chicago make me happy- I'm just taking a bit of time to adjust to an unanticipated change.
So, insurance is in the right spot, chemo begins today on 4/14 at 9pm PDT, my brain is still kinda swollen, I'm adjusting socially, driving really stresses me out; but I did not dive into the details, & I'm happy overall despite the cons I have been encountering. Eventually, I will share some organized heavier thoughts from my mind. Right this moment, I’ve got nothing crazy & nothing emotionally deep to poetically convey.